were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My feet surprised me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
