We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
