Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
