I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just found a bag of teeth...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
