Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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