the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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