I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
