just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
