I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i came on her dog
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
