We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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