hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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