So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
