The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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