he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
