And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
