Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
