I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
