THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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