Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
