i was born a porn star she said
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
