I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
