you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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