My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
