Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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