Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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