I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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