im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
