I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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