I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
