Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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