Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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