Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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