the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All the doctor said was why
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
