I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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