how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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