i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
