how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
