Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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