They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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