1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
do herpes really smell.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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