I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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