South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
