You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
