there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
