woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
