After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
