Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
