ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
