The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
