my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
