I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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